


Candid Kurt Competition: Burt vs. Blaine

by InsightfulInsomniac



Series: Hotel Hudmel: The Week Between the Wedding and the Honeymoon [11]
Category: Glee
Genre: Dad vs. husband, F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, husbands!klaine, its a time, married!klaine, who knows Kurt best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25663846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsightfulInsomniac/pseuds/InsightfulInsomniac
Summary: It’s finally time for Blaine and Burt to go head to head in a “Who Knows Kurt Best” competition. Only one will prevail... but both will try to bribe Kurt before the games begin.Kurt questions, Carole moderates, and Burt and Blaine compete. It’s an all-around good time with a lot of laughs and healthy competition.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Carole Hudson-Hummel/Burt Hummel
Series: Hotel Hudmel: The Week Between the Wedding and the Honeymoon [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1724422
Comments: 25
Kudos: 139





	Candid Kurt Competition: Burt vs. Blaine

**Author's Note:**

> It’s finally here!! Thank you so much to everyone who assisted in the creation of this fic. I loved writing it, but I loved hearing all of your question suggestions even more!
> 
> Many thanks to the wonderful Kurt trivia question submitters: PaellaIsComplicated (AO3), @klaineishglee (Instagram), @emilyklaine (Instagram), @brianna_lucido (Instagram), @_bml_ (Instagram), @freezeable.fruitshapes (Instagram), @sophie_lou_green (Instagram), @emmaananette (Instagram)
> 
> I had so many questions come in and they were all incredible, but I ended up not being able to use all of them, unfortunately. But thank you so much to everyone who submitted!
> 
> I also couldn’t refrain from using the Try Guys’ “Candid Competition” to inspire the title.
> 
> Enjoy the fic!

Setting both of their cups of coffee on the nightstand, Blaine climbs back into bed, slinging a leg over his sleeping husband’s hips to settle gently in his lap.

Kurt barely stirs, just smacks his lips and sighs softly. Blaine smiles fondly, leaning down to trail his lips up Kurt’s jaw, pressing a kiss right under his ear and then dropping one to his lips when Kurt smiles sleepily.

“Morning,” Kurt murmurs, resting a hand on Blaine’s hip and rubbing his thumb across the bare skin just above the waistband of his boxer briefs. 

“I. Love. You,” Blaine punctuates every word with another kiss. 

“I love you too,” Kurt grins, chuckling a bit. “Is this your attempt at a bribe?”

Blaine sits up suddenly, mock-offended. “Excuse me? We have been married for how many days?”

“Today would be day four,” Kurt answers amusedly.

“Exactly. Which means we are still very much in the newlywed honeymoon phase.”

“Which is funny, considering we haven’t even gone on our honeymoon yet,” Kurt quips, and Blaine rolls his eyes.

“Babe. What I’m _trying_ to say is that it is perfectly normal for me, your newlywed husband, to want to wake you, the love of my life and my —“

“Your newlywed husband,” Kurt supplies, biting back a laugh.

Blaine grins. “Right, right — it’s totally normal for me to want to wake you up with sex!”

“Oh, is that what that was?” Kurt teases. “I couldn’t tell.”

“Really,” Blaine deadpans. “You’re kinda killing the mood.”

“Mm, I don’t think I am,” Kurt runs his hands up Blaine’s thighs, letting them drift around to his ass.

“Okay, no, you’re right,” Blaine replies, bending down again to kiss him soundly. “Besides, your parents won’t be back until lunchtime, so we have the house to ourselves.”

“Wait, how do you know that my parents are out?” Kurt questions, and Blaine sighs.

“They were just about to leave when I went downstairs to get us coffee,” Blaine admits, and Kurt immediately looks to the nightstand.

“Oh my god, this is a bribe!” He laughs, and Blaine groans.

“No! It’s not! I bring you coffee in bed all the time! And I didn’t even make you breakfast, so it can’t be a bribe.“

“You seem really concerned about making sure that I know this isn’t a bribe,” Kurt goads, and Blaine laughs incredulously.

“Because I want to have sex with my husband!”

“Okay, okay, I believe you,” Kurt relents. “You’ve convinced me. It’s not a bribe.”

Blaine smiles into the kiss Kurt surges up to give him. “It might be a little bit of a bribe.”

Kurt pulls back, not even bothering to look disapproving. “I won’t tell my dad if you won’t tell my dad.”

“This is the last thing I’d ever want to tell your dad about, I promise.”

******

“You boys hungry?” 

Kurt glances up at Blaine from where he’s lounging with his head in his lap, reading his music theory textbook, and they share a confused look.

Burt pops his head into the living room. “Hey, we got takeout for lunch! Come eat.”

“You got lunch from La Provence?” Kurt gasps. “Oh my god, I haven’t eaten there in ages!”

“Well, I know it’s your favorite, and I thought it would be a nice treat,” Burt replies. “Carole and I were out that way this morning.”

“Interesting,” Blaine drawls, raising his eyebrows as he joins Carole in setting out plates.

“Dad, are you sure this isn’t a bribe?” Kurt asks carefully, and Burt raises his hands in defense.

“No! I just wanted to do something nice for my son!”

Kurt turns to his stepmother. “Carole? Is this a bribe?”

She smiles. “I plead the fifth.”

“I guess it’s only fair that I accept it,” Kurt grins. 

“What, did Blaine try to bribe you, too?” Burt chuckles.

Blaine clears his throat and busies himself with straightening the silverware as Kurt shakes his head, pulling the boxes of takeout out of the bags.

“No, nope. Just meant that you already bought it, so it’s only fair that we eat it.”

******

“Welcome to the first ever ‘who knows Kurt best’ competition!” Kurt announces as Blaine and Burt look on in excited anticipation from the couch across from him. “Today, you will be playing for the pride of winning and nothing more, unfortunately.”

“Worth it,” Blaine quips, and Burt nods in agreement.

“There will be three categories of questions,” Kurt continues. “Carole helped me come up with them. Our first round will be questions in Dad’s favor — about my childhood and things he would know best. Then we’ll move onto the round in Blaine’s favor — the romance round, if you will.”

Kurt levels a warning look at the two of them. “So no commenting that this is biased. Even though they’re in two categories, you both should have a shot at the questions within them. One person just might get them faster.”

“Makes sense, Kurt, go on,” Burt agrees.

“The last round will be generic questions about me so you can both have a fighting chance in the final sprint. Do you have any questions?”

Seeing and hearing none, Kurt turns to Carole. “Are you ready? You might have to help me judge who raises their hand first.”

She rubs his arm gently. “I’m on it, honey.”

“Okay, question one,” Kurt begins, and he has to stifle a laugh at the looks of serious concentration on both his dad and his husband’s faces. “Besides mama or dada, what was my first word?”

Burt’s hand flies into the air just a second before Blaine’s. Kurt points to him, and Burt grins. “Up. Your first word was “up,” because you loved being held.”

“Correct!” Kurt replies. “B, did you actually know that one?”

“No, but you should never leave an answer blank on a test. You’ll always get it wrong,” Blaine reasons, and Burt laughs.

“It’s okay, kid. You’ll have a chance to catch up later.”

“Oh, I’m determined to steal at least one of these from you,” Blaine remarks. “Don’t get too confident; we’re only one question in.”

“Moving on,” Kurt continues, amused. “What was my least favorite food as a kid?”

Burt’s hand is in the air in an instant. Despite his comment just moments ago, Blaine doesn’t even try to raise his hand for this one. “Sweet potatoes! You hated them so much, but for some reason, your mom was determined to get you to like them.”

“Right again, Dad,” Kurt says. “That makes the score two to zero!”

“Who’s looking over-confident now, huh?” Burt goads, and Blaine rolls his eyes.

“Still you, I hate to tell you.”

“You both are ridiculous,” Kurt shakes his head fondly. “Okay, what was my favorite childhood vacation?”

Burt’s hand shoots up again, and he laughs at Blaine’s delayed eagerness. “You’ve got to be quicker than that, kid. Dollywood was your favorite trip, Kurt.”

“Three points for Dad,” Kurt remarks with a grin, and Carole records the score routinely. “I know you knew that one, Blaine, good try.”

“We’ve talked about taking our future kids there for the nostalgia,” Blaine pouts, and Burt pats his shoulder.

“Like Kurt said, good try.”

“Ready?” Kurt asks, receiving two nods. “Alright, who was my first-ever crush?”

Blaine manages to get his hand up before Burt, and he cheers excitedly. “Oh my god, yes! It was that boy from your dance class, Evan, right?”

Kurt smiles. “You’re correct, B. Congrats.”

“Yes!” Blaine pumps his fist in the air, and Burt raises a hand to interrupt his showboating.

“Hey, shouldn’t that have been under the romance category?” Burt protests, and Kurt rolls his eyes.

“Dad, don’t tell me you didn’t know that. I made him a huge valentine every year we were in class together since I was six.”

“I know, I would’ve guessed him,” Burt grumbles. “I just think that’s more of a romance question.”

“Ah, no complaining,” Kurt chastises. “And besides, the romance questions are Blaine-biased questions. Not specifically romance related. Got it?”

Burt sighs. “Fine. But I’m gonna steal one of his questions.”

Blaine laughs. “Try me.”

“Come on boys, let’s listen to Kurt’s next question,” Carole interjects, and Kurt mouths ‘thank you’ in her direction.

“Moving on. What was the worst trouble I got into as a kid?”

Burt laughs as Kurt calls on him. “It was when you were in fourth grade, and you convinced me that the school lunches were healthier now and that you wanted to stop packing your lunch. I gave you lunch money every day, but you went behind my back and packed a secret lunch and saved the money to buy new toys and clothes you wanted.”

“I was so mad that you didn’t support my business endeavors,” Kurt reminisces amusedly. 

“To be honest, I was secretly proud of your ingenuity,” Burt admits. “But I had to put my foot down.”

“How have I never heard that story?” Blaine quips, and Burt shrugs.

“Well, now you have. And it worked in my favor.”

“Oh my god,” Kurt chuckles. “I can’t with you two. Next question.”

Blaine manages to usurp Burt only once more that round, beating him to the punch to name Kurt’s favorite childhood Disney movie — _Beauty and the Beast,_ of course. That leaves the score 8-2 in Burt’s favor when they transition into the second round.

“Ready to start?” Kurt questions, and Blaine bounces excitedly in his seat, evidently preparing himself to focus. Burt nods with a resounding “Yes.”

“Okay, where did I first tell Blaine I loved him?”

Blaine doesn’t even let him finish the question before his hand is up. Kurt gestures to him, amused.

“In the Lima Bean the day after you got home from Nationals your junior year,” he answers proudly. “I can tell you what we were both wearing too, if that’ll give me bonus points.”

“Hey, no bonus points!” Burt insists, and Kurt laughs.

“There will be no bonus points given out during the game,” he responds. “We’re keeping this fair; Carole, that’s a point for Blaine.”

“It’s 8 to 3 now,” she declares, and Blaine tucks his legs up and under him on the couch, leaning forward in anticipation.

“Next, describe my sleeping style as accurately as possible,” he says, pointing to Blaine when he gets his hand up just before Burt.

“I’ll call it the ‘innocent blanket hog’” Blaine grins. “You sleep half on your side, grabbing at the blankets to pull them close to you. You like to be holding something, and since it’s usually blankets, you steal them. But then you’ll pretend like you definitely didn’t steal all the blankets because you honestly didn’t realize that you did.”

“He’s been doing that since he was little,” Burt adds. “I remember when he’d used to crawl into my bed when he would have a bad dream, or in the weeks after his mom died — I’d wake up and this tiny kid would have taken all of the blankets for himself.”

“Guilty as charged,” Kurt admits. “Point for Blaine, please, Carole.”

“Good job, honey,” Carole comments, and Blaine preens under the praise.

“Hey, and I don’t get a good job?” Burt interjects.

Carole laughs. “Blaine’s a little behind right now. He needs it more than you.”

“Hey!”

Kurt shakes his head. “Question number three: what is my favorite love song of all time?”

Burt’s hand flies into the air, and after careful consultation with Carole, they agree that he did, in fact, beat Blaine’s equally eager response.

“Come What May!” He shouts, clapping his hands together. “Come What May! Every time we’d watch that movie, you’d go on and on about that damn song — it’s a nice song, Kurt, but you talked about it all the time —“

“You’re right, Dad,” Kurt replies, chuckling at his enthusiasm. 

“And I know you boys wanted to dance to that at your wedding, so I’m sorry you didn’t get that,” Burt adds sincerely. “But there was no way in hell I’d get that question wrong. You’ve always said that it was such a meaningful song —“

“Singing it to someone is a more intimate act than sex,” Blaine recites, regretting his words as soon as he says them. “Um. I mean.” He clears his throat. “It’s a beautiful song.”

Kurt sighs, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “It’s okay, Dad. Yes, we would’ve liked to had our first dance to that song, but we had a special moment with it after the wedding.”

Realizing how that sounds, Kurt glances back down to his question cards and hurriedly switches to the next one. “Not like that. Anyway. Uh, next question?”

“Next question,” Burt and Blaine answer in unison.

In a turn of favor for Blaine, Burt doesn’t manage to score another point that round, leaving the score going into the final set of questions 9 to 11.

“The rules for the last round are different,” Kurt informs. “It will be a lightning round, so you will still be going head to head, but no raising your hands. The point will go to whomever Carole and I determine said the right answer first — and the point goes to the correct answer, not the loudest.”

“Burt?” Blaine holds out his hand to shake, which Burt accepts.

“Good luck, Blaine,” Burt remarks. “You’ve been a worthy competitor.”

“Same to you,” Blaine agrees.

“Oh my god,” Kurt rolls his eyes again. “Alright, we’ll start in three... two... one...”

“What is my coffee order?”

“Grande nonfat mocha!” Blaine shouts, and Carole records his point on the running tally.

“What football position did I play in high school?”

“Kicker!” Burt exclaims, pointing to Carole to mark his point down as well.

“What song did I audition for NYADA with — formally?”

“Not the Boy Next Door!” Blaine yells over Burt’s hurried “Boy Next — Not Next Door — Not —“

“Another point for Blaine,” Kurt tells Carole, and Burt groans.

“Come on, the speed of it all is doing me no favors!”

“Try to keep up, old man,” Blaine teases, and Burt scoffs.

“Old man? Just because you’re married to my son doesn’t mean you’re suddenly in the clear to say things like that.”

Blaine just grins. “Whatever you say... old man.”

“What is the first solo I sang in glee club?”

“DEFYING. GRAVITY.” Burt bellows, cheering for himself when Carole marks down his point. “You worked your ass off to hit that high F!”

“Dad, careful, your heart,” Kurt admonishes gently. “But I’m glad you remember that.”

“How could I forget?” Burt laughs.

“Okay, what is my Hogwarts house?”

“Gryffindor!” Burt answers immediately, but Blaine’s up and out of his seat, waving dismissively in Burt’s direction.

“No, no, Kurt’s a Slytherin,” he corrects confidently. “He’s a Slytherin, I’m a Hufflepuff, and we’re adorable.”

“Blaine’s right,” Kurt remarks. “I’m a Slytherin, Dad!”

“Come on, I don’t know! I thought the Slytherins were evil, and the Gryffindors were brave, and you’re brave!” Burt protests. “So you’re saying you’re evil?”

“No, Slytherins aren’t inherently evil,” Kurt explains. “That’s a common misconception. We’re ambitious, moral, perfectionistic, determined, etc.”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Burt concedes. “And what about you, Blaine?”

Blaine beams. “Hufflepuffs are also really misunderstood. We’re generally really hard-working, passionate, and people-oriented.”

“And very, very loyal,” Kurt adds. “That’s common ground between Slytherins and Hufflepuffs — they’re the two most fiercely loyal houses.”

“That sounds about right,” Burt agrees. “Thank you for explaining that to a guy who’s only seen most of the _Harry Potter_ movies.”

“Speaking of movies, you ready?” Kurt returns to his questions. “What’s my favorite movie?”

“ _Moulin Rouge_!” Burt says. “Come on, I was just talking about that. Give us some harder questions.”

“Don’t speak too soon, I’m still in the lead,” Blaine jokes.

“Not for long, you aren’t.”

“How many steps are in my skincare routine?”

“Seven!” Blaine exclaims, earning yet another point.

“What did I wear to both of my proms?”

“You wore that kilt-suit-thing your junior year, and then that top hat and vest to your senior year,” Burt answers. “I know I gave you crap for it then, but that kilt was pretty damn awesome, kid.”

“Thank you,” Kurt smiles smugly. “I spent way too much time on it for it not to be.”

“Kurt, this is your last question,” Carole comments, and Burt groans.

“That means I already lost!”

Kurt glances to the scoreboard as Blaine cheers, noting that the score is, in fact, 13 to 15.

“Well, I didn’t want you to tie, so I made the last round only nine questions,” he explains amidst Blaine’s well-contained yet still enthusiastic celebration.

“It’s fine, Kurt, if I had to lose to anyone, at least it‘s your husband,” Burt grins. “Blaine’s the only person who I _should_ lose to.”

“You gave me a run for my money,” Blaine beams over at his father-in-law. 

“Hey, we’re not done here! There’s still one more question,” Kurt interjects. “Let me finish my game. Who’s my favorite designer?”

“Oh, McQueen,” Blaine replies casually, as if it’s obvious. 

“Yeah, just rub your win in my face with one more point,” Burt grumbles, but not without a smile.

“That means... Blaine is the winner!” Carole announces cheerily. “Congratulations, you know your husband!”

“I’m honored,” Blaine laughs. “Even though you said there were no prizes, how about a kiss for the winner?”

Kurt obliges him happily, dropping a quick kiss to his lips. “Good job, B. Love you.”

“Love you too,” Blaine replies, and Kurt moves to hug his dad as he stands from his chair.

“Don’t sell yourself short; you impressed me with your performance,” Kurt comments, and Burt laughs.

“Hey, I know my kid! But I’m not upset, Kurt. I’m happy Blaine won. I wouldn’t want to be the cause of your first fight as a married couple.”

“Oh, we wouldn’t fight over it if he lost,” Kurt scoffs.

“Mm, well, you’d definitely tease me about it for the next year,” Blaine comments. “We wouldn’t fight, but you wouldn’t let me live it down.”

“You’re probably right,” Kurt admits with an innocent smile.

“Oh, I know I am,” Blaine teases. “I just won a whole competition about knowing you, remember?”

“Hey, I know I said I’m happy you won, but don’t get too cocky,” Burt warns good-naturedly. “You’re still living here for a few more days.”

“Duly noted,” Blaine nods, smiling.

“How about this — loser has to help me with dinner,” Carole comments, and Burt rolls his eyes but obediently follows his wife into the kitchen, leaving Kurt and Blaine in the living room.

“I knew you’d win,” Kurt admits lowly, resting his hands on Blaine’s shoulders. “I didn’t rig the questions and it was totally unbiased, but I figured this would be the outcome.”

“I’m glad you had faith in me,” Blaine grins, tugging Kurt close. “I’m just happy your dad’s being a good sport about it.”

“Oh, he loves you,” Kurt retorts. “You know that. I think he also recognizes that whole cliche of ‘once your kid gets married, you’re no longer the most important man in their life.’”

“Am I the most important man in your life now?” Blaine asks dramatically, faux-surprised.

Kurt rolls his eyes. “You’re also the dorkiest man in my life.”

“You love it,” Blaine jokes softly.

“I do.”

“That sounds familiar.”

“Oh my god, I love you.”

“Funny, that does too.”

“ _Blaine_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Blaine and Burt in friendly competition with each other was incredibly fun to write. I love their dynamic and it’s criminally underused in fanfic!!
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading! I appreciate every kudos and comment you leave, and as we’re approaching the end of quarantine summer (in the U.S., at least, because my university is still planning to return to in-person classes), I can honestly say that writing fanfic and receiving the response from all of you has really been the highlight of an otherwise dismal summer. Thank you all so much ❤️
> 
> My Instagram: @insightful.insomniac
> 
> My tumblr: @zigxzag-klaine
> 
> Vote for my fanfics in the fanfiction awards [here](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%253A%252F%252Fs.surveyplanet.com%252FDe3tXBDK9&t=MzE0MzBiMzIxYzMzODk2Y2M0ZTc5MmFkOTBmM2QwYzgwZDFmYTkzZixhYWUwN2MzOGNjOTQ2ODZjZjVmODcwZmViYzI2ZTU2Y2I2ZjdjNzA0&ts=1596301187), if you’d like.


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